Okay, I need some opinions....

[arib]

A person who, almost two years ago, informed me that she no longer wanted to have anything to do with me has suddenly popped up on my IM buddy list for the first time since that conversation.

Do I:

a) suck it up and strike up a conversation?

b) realize that I'm still hurt and pissed off and do nothing?

c) none of the above?

Right now I'm leaning towards b.

Comments

[greyman.livejournal.com]

Personally, I'd have a freezingly polite conversation about generalities (how's your job, etc.) and then end with a "Let's Do Lunch" sort of thing (the kind of phrase that's obviously a polite blowoff). The advantage of this approach is that it shows that you are "over" her and she doesn't still exert any power over you.

The disadvantage is that she may not catch the polite blowoff part. I've had this happen, with someone who eventually had to be physically ejected from my wedding reception. So, unless you are at all interested in her life, ignore her completely. I *wouldn't* reply with a hurt "I thought you never wanted to speak with me again" since that seems to have no advantages at all.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

The Pollyanna part of me wants to encourage you to see if/how she's changed in two years. The part of me that is protective of my friends, and resonates to hurt, doesn't want you to give her another chance to put a scar on your soul.

And, it seems to my cynical side, that sometimes cost-benefit analyses are sensible. How much chance is there that this person will be worth the renewed extension of trust? Does she deserve another chance? Do you need her friendship, with what you have in the rest of your life?

*hug* Good luck. You aren't required to let people chew you up repeatedly in the name of being a good person.

With hugs,
A.

[ororo.livejournal.com]

If it were me, I'd say something like, "Why are you talking to me, I thought you hated my guts."

but that's me, and while interesting hasn't always been useful in the past. If she didn't care enough to approach you with an apology or some kind of concern about your feelings regarding past actions, I submit she is not worth your time.

A roundabout way of saying, b. :)

[valkyrwench.livejournal.com]

B. Definately. It's worked for me in the past, and I'm sure it'll work for me again in the future :). Pretend they don't exist and eventually they go away. *hug*

[cellio]

B. If she wants to reconcile, she can actualy communicate. So far you've got an appearance on a buddy list (presumably this means she's done the equivalent of bookmarking you). If she doesn't speak up, why should you? And if she does, the response depends on what she says.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

B. And in fact, I'd block her so you can't see when she's online and she can't see you either.

But that's just me.

*hugs*, hon.

[teddywolf.livejournal.com]

As she told you to go aweh two years ago, I would suggest something along the lines of the following:
1) do not strike up a conversation. She has not rescinded her earlier request, despite her being the one to add you to her buddies list.
2) If after a month she hasn't said anything to you, list her in your /ignore file, make yourself invisible to her and drop her back off your buddies list. You don't have to do the /ignore thing, but I'd suggest the other two quite strongly.n

[dandelion-diva.livejournal.com]

B.

You have *no* obligation to this person, one way or the other, and since she doesn't seem to have the guts or class to say something along the lines of "Sorry about what happened, I was a jerk to you and I feel bad about it.", it *doubly* isn't your obligation.

Sorry she was a jerk to you.

Gesi

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

I agree. I assume you're talking about Shuly? Unless she starts talking with you and apologizes for the hurt she caused, you don't need to deal with crap from her.

*hugs*

Re:

[arib.livejournal.com]

That's what I'd planned on from the get-go, just wanted to see some other opinions.