A poll!

[arib]

[Poll #1151288]

Comments

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

I think it depends, but I'm guessing mostly "parent's new spouse" or whatnot. I can't see a lot of reality to a "stepparent" claim if that person has never parented you.

[gingicat]

I think it has a lot to do with how close the adult children are to the parent's spouse. That said, I doubt most people would mind outsiders using the words stepfather or stepmother as shorthand.

[beki.livejournal.com]

A lot would depend on the adult child's relationship with the step dad. Have they known each other a long time? Do they know each other at all? If they have a good relationship, they may call whomever their mom or dad. I call my step mom just that. She is my step mom. It's the easiest way to identify the relationship.

If I didn't get on with her, I would probably call her that woman my dad married. It's all relative.

[linnea4.livejournal.com]

I think it depends on the family. We don't use the step-relation thing when Steph and I refer to each other (at least, I don't think she calls me her step-mother.) I think it's the father's wife/husband's daughter if we don't refer to each other by name. YMMV though.. if anyone were to say it's done "this way" then someone will pop up saying they do it the other way.

[cellio]

My father-in-law remarried when my husband was in his mid-20s, and his wife often seems to be outraged that my husband doesn't call her "mom" (which would be disrespectful to his actual mother, who is very much a part of his life) or refer to her as his step-mother. I think it's an unreasonable thing for her to expect, since she never filled a motherly role for him. Fortunately, for the most part I don't have to be involved; the one time it touched me was when she saw the text on the wedding invitations and ranted at me. Because, you know, it was a horrible horrible insult that we referred to him as "son of actual-father and actual-mother", and didn't give her equal standing. Sheesh.

[mbarr.livejournal.com]

We just call my grandfather's new wife Gayle ;) I suppose I could call her my step-grandmother, if I was describing her externally, but I doubt my father would do so as step-mother.


Her grandchildren are in interesting question - I haven't had cousins that are tiny in a *long* time- they are 4 & 6 :)

[thevortex.livejournal.com]

Depends on the relationship everyone develops.

[born-to-me.livejournal.com]

My gut reaction is that I wouldn't call them Mom/Dad. However, I love gundo's parents enough to refer to them as Mom & Dad (my parents have always been The Mother and The Chief when I refer to them, so there's no naming overlap). So, I could conceive of loving a parent's new spouse so much that I'd give them honorary parental titles. I wouldn't, however, if it was something that would hurt my other parent badly.

[sorek.livejournal.com]

I imagine adult children would refer to their new step parent by their first name.

"This is my father, Bill, and his wife, Wendy..."

Teenagers have a much harder issue. I'd guess "step"-parent would be the likely choice.

and what's with egads? Nomi took all the narf? :)

[hfcougar.livejournal.com]

Echo to the "it depends" comments. It depends on the adult child's relationship with the new spouse, the adult child's relationship with their parents, and the circumstances of how the parents' divorce, separation, widowing, etc. came to be.

[pseydtonne.livejournal.com]

It depends because we're not talking about a child-parent reverence anymore. An adult child of a parent is still an adult. The new spouse of a parent is also an adult. Thus one adult goes to another adult after the announcement of engagement and asks, "how would you like to be addressed?"

Mind you, I call everyone "dude". This comes from a word meaning "city slicker trying to dress like a cowhand on a ranch". In my mind we're all existentialist bags of walking protoplasm of equal potential dumbth. Each of us finds reassurance through structure as it creates the comfort of civilization. Thus I am willing to accept someone's vekakte title call if the person seems more unlikely to cooperate from the lack of titular address. Otherwise I make up nicknames.

Person: "I would prefer to be addressed as 'Your Honor'."
Me: "Your Honor, would you be signing my renovation permit with the city?"
Person: "I shall decline."
Me: "Then I decline to call you any kind of honor and get the feq off my porch, dude."

You establish a rapport with a new family member and determine the person's title from that. I have an uncle-in-law because none of us in the family can stand his existence and he's not blood so he's my uncle-in-law. Meanwhile my other uncles not by blood are fine folk so they're my uncles.

Did that help?