In which Ari rants about his community...

[arib]

So, I checked my e-mail this evening, and found an e-mail regarding the synagogue's shidduch (matchmaking) committee.

For background purposes, the committee is headed by the Rabbi's wife and is comprised of various married women from within the community. Interested parties submit information about themselves (biographical data, interests, what they're looking for in a partner, etc.) and the committee tries to match them up. As far as I know, they've yet to have a single (pun unintentional) success, but they may choose not to publicize when they are successful for various reasons. I find issue with the fact that they don't accept input from men (since married men know nothing about healthy successful relationships, perish the thought), or single members of the community (although this makes more sense, if you think about it, given that other single members are entrusting personal information to this committee.) I'm not knocking matchmaking/arranged marriages in the least. I have more than a fair number of friends and acquaintainces that have arranged marriages that work beautifully. I have issue with my shul's (synagogue's) methodology, is all.

Anyway, the e-mail.

So, in what seems to be a last-ditch effort, the committee has decided to turn to divine intervention, and will be organizing a womens group to recite Psalms for divine guidance.

Again, I have no problem here. Prayer is a central part of my faith, and has often been used in situations like this. (However, I suspect they'd be more successful if the group were co-ed, ditched the Psalms, and served tequila.) What gets me is the way that they described the event.

I quote:

"Similar groups set up in other communities in New York and New Jersey have had marked success which we hope to emulate! "
This actually manages to offend me both as a Jew, and as someone with a science education.

You can't prove that prayer works, that's not within its nature. At best, you can prove when it doesn't work.

I doubt these groups in NY and NJ had some sort of rigorous double-blind study in effect. "Okay girls, let's pray for Rachel, Cheryl, and Sarah, but *not* pray for Beth, Esther, and Maya, just to see what happens!"* Furthermore, I'm sick of the Orthodox world adopting a practice just because "'everyone' in NY and NJ is doing it. That's got lots of us doing all sorts of unnceccesary nonsense in the name of some weird ecumenical "keeping up with the Jonesbergs."

Faith isn't scientific, and promising someone magical-seeming results because they pray for them is unfair to them on both spiritual and secular levels.**



*(It took me three minutes to pick out the names for that sentence just to make sure I didn't use the name of any friends who might read this, track me down, and beat me.)

** By all means, pray. Pray when you need things, pray when you don't. Pray for guidance, pray for thanks. Pray out of sadness, joy, anger, or hurt. Pray when you feel lost, pray when you've been found. Just... realize that sometimes God's answer is "no," whether we like it or not.

Comments

[nuqotw.livejournal.com]

After all, it might not be the tehillim. It might be New York and New Jersey :)

I'm a friend of thevortex, in case you wondering. You can ask him who I am. Don't print my name online.

[torahumaddachic.livejournal.com]

rock on. on a related note of tehillim groups that make you go, Huh? the YU tehillim groups when RJ was appointed president..... what were they thinking?? oh, right... they werent....

[arib.livejournal.com]

Wait... like they were davening so that his appointment would be revoked?

Sheesh. They should've taken a page from Gallaudet's notebook and rioted. :-)

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

Just out of curiosity, did you mean to lock this post?

I tend to look at prayer the way Harold Kushner does. It can offer emotional support and spiritual comfort. It cannot cause miracles.

[arib.livejournal.com]

No, I intended this to be an open post.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

I suppose I could try tracking you down and beating you- but really, it would be a lot of effort for absolutely no success, I'm afraid.

And, since it looks like she's trying to prove her connections, nuqotw is a friend of mine also- she's good people.

[goldsquare.livejournal.com]

Ari, be a scientist.

Praying can't hurt their success rate (zero is zero). It MIGHT help. Let them pray.

Who cares why they pray? Isn't that at least part and parcel of any Jewish community?

What you SHOULD do, instead of snarking, is pray that their prayer works really-really well. Unless you like being single. :-)

("Keeping up with the Jonesbergs" -- is to giggle.)

[arib.livejournal.com]

Unless you like being single. :-)

I'm not, though. (I'm not married, but I'm not single, either. *grin*)

and it's not the praying that I object to, it's the implied promise of guaranteed results that I object to.

[goldsquare.livejournal.com]

I did not know you were seeing anyone. Sorry.

I'm not married, either - but I'm surely not single. Yeah!

[arib.livejournal.com]

("Keeping up with the Jonesbergs" -- is to giggle.)

It is indeed, especially if you know of some of the behaviors of which I speak. :-)

[goldsquare.livejournal.com]

I do not know your synagogue, but the phrase reminded me of so many things from the synagogues of my youth....

[josette.livejournal.com]

Well...I live in Jersey and if it works here, there must be something to it. But for me, prayer is more generic than that. If I was single, I'd be praying to meet someone or to be able to be content with however G-d wants things to work out for me.

[doeeyedbunny.livejournal.com]

I'm surprised it didn't say "communities in Long Island, Rockland County and eir ha'kodesh, Teaneck..."

[mbarr.livejournal.com]

It'd be at least Passaic, if not Lakewood. Not that I know which shul up in boston we're talking about :-) Isn't Teaneck too close to real life?

But in other words, the whole EEK! thing about the email.