My grandmother visited this past weekend... (and no, this isn't getting filtered at all. I feel like

[arib]

I love my grandma, really I do.

Over Friday night dinner at my parents' house, she informs me that a friend and neighbor of hers has taken up matchmaking. "Not professionally, you understand, just so she has something to do." (I didn't realize a little old lady could be a professional meddler, will wonders never cease...)

My response to this was a brief but polite "Oh, how nice," before the conversation ultimately shifted to something else.

There was my first mistake. I should have just kept my foolish mouth shut. See, in grandma speak "oh, how nice" seems to translate to "fantastic, please do send my contact information off to some alter kaker* of a yenta** who doesn't know me from her elbow, post haste! While you're at it, please do tell her that it's perfectly alright to call me in the middle of the day while I'm in class."

and the message she left! She introduced herself as a friend of my grandmother's yadda yadda, and then came out with this little gem:

"I hear you're having trouble finding a bride..."

At which point I hung up the phone and cursed in horribly mispronounced Mandarin for a bit. (Thank you, Joss Whedon)

See, finding a bride isn't really the problem. Technically speaking, someone would only be my "bride" for a day at the most. It's the whole girlfriend-fiancee-wife thing that takes working on. In essence, the before and after, not the pomp and circumstance that occurs when someone is a hypothetical bride or groom.

Of course, grandma and her friends just luuuurve weddings, and would be happy if I scooped up the first JP that happened by so long as it guarantees them a large smorgasboard, open bar, and the possibility of taking home the centerpiece at the end of the evening. In which case "I hear you're having trouble finding a bride" makes perfect sense.

Okay, I think I'm done now.

*alter kaker- Yiddish equivalent of "old fart"

**yenta- busybody, often nosing into people's business. Think Joan Rivers.

Comments

[beki.livejournal.com]

Oh Ari, you have really led a sheltered life. There truly are folks who are paid good money for matchmaking. Not just in foreign countries where the parents choose who marries whom. Yes, even here in the states there are folks who are paid to arrange folks meeting "suitable candidates". My grandparents (Yeah, I realize that is going a ways back) had an arranged marriage. Of course, that was in Kentucky, and we all know the south isnt like the rest of the world :)

[arib.livejournal.com]

I have several friends who've had arranged marriages. I just don't think anyone should be arranging my marriage but me, much less a friend of my grandmother.

(For the record, my grandmother kept pressuring my mom to break up with my dad until they got married, and my folks have had a wonderful marriage for nearly 30 years. OTOH, I can't remember a single childhoodvisit to my grandparents' house that didn't feature my grandmother yelling at my grandfather and insulting my parents. Good judge of marriageable material she ain't.)

[beki.livejournal.com]

Hee!!

For the record, I agree with you. You are the one who is going to have to live your life, you get to chooose you you do/dont want in it. But thats just me :)

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

Oy.

[asciikitty.livejournal.com]

I hear that...

[griffen.livejournal.com]

Perhaps your grandmother needs to be forcibly reminded that this is the 21st century, and you're an American male, and that arranged marriage is a thing of the past.

[arib.livejournal.com]

It isn't, really. I have a few friends who've had arranged marriages. It's just not for me.

I'll speak with her after I've calmed down a bit.

[born-to-me.livejournal.com]

I know of arranged marriages (none personally, but through family and friends) that have lasted for many long, happy years. I think there are situations it could work in beautifully, for various reasons. However, if'n it ain't fer you, it ain't fer you. Grandma does indeed sound like a Class A busybody. *hug* Sorry. :-( Hope you can get her off the scent on this one.

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

*hugs* My poor Ari ...

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

That does seem one too many steps removed to be involved in the process unless you've asked them to do so. Dunno- there are few things people love so much as matchmaking though. It's one of those realities of life, oddly enough.

Half-Sicilian, Recovering Obnoxious Guy chimes in...

[pseydtonne.livejournal.com]

I'm of two minds on this. One is that old fashioned "hey, free date!" thinking the Scotsman in my loves. The other is that she won't let you be until you offer to marry one of the proferred frums. After all, yentas only stop when they get the commission for the sale.

Ignore either of those minds, though. You've got a strong yet pliable head on your shoulders. You're more sane than I am. I trust your instinct to let her invasive maneuver blow over. I cave in to that kind of stuff too easily. You know exactly what you're looking for and this would only introduce weird errors.

Then again, there's always that nice Jewish girl I know up in Salem. She's quite a looker and quite the top... I mean, nice girl.

-I'll stop before I mention anything else

[tovaks.livejournal.com]

I got Joss Whedon's autograph!

Also, when I was dating someone last year, every time I spoke to my grandmother she would drop subtle hints that 1.) I was way too young to get married and 2.) she'd really like to see my wedding, especially to "that nice Jewish boy."

I think it's in their job descriptions or something.

[hfcougar.livejournal.com]

Here, I bought you a hammer, safety goggles and some cheap, ugly chinaware...

[doeeyedbunny.livejournal.com]

Oy, you have my sympathies. Big time.

Not to gloat or anything, I have this very nifty Mutual Non-Agression Pact with my mother who isn't allowed to even comment on my social life until I hit the age she was when she met my dad. It's made the past five year so much easier.

[arib.livejournal.com]

It's a little late for that, when my mom was 26 she was pregnant with my younger brother and chasing me around the apartment.

[cellio]

Oy.

Two options occur to me: tell her to get lost (degree of politeness is up to you), or start feeding her bizarre information about yourself and your tastes to see what she comes up with. ("I couldn't possibly date a woman who isn't proficient with a riding crop! Why no, I've never been on a horse in my life -- why do you ask?") But she already has your real name, so maybe you shouldn't bait her unless you're sure she has no contact with anyone you care about.