Pondering...
Mar. 25th, 2002 11:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aribI'm alone at work, no clients, no co-workers, no assignments.
This leaves me alone with my thoughts, which have been getting more and more complicated and convoluted as of late.
I feel like I need to get out of my folks' house soon, maybe even sooner than I can really afford to. I'm playing it cool right now, but I'm keeping my options open.
Things with Crys are... coming along, I think. We're still able to have the types of conversations my friend Anat calls D&M (Deep and Meaningful,) which is good. We just need to figure out how we feel about each other, and what we can do about it. I'm pretty sure I know how I feel, I think, most of the time, anyway. (Boy, could I be any more vague?) Mostly what I feel is conflicted, I guess. My heart says a whole bunch of things, and my head says a whole different bunch. I know that the thing we need most right now is time, and we'll end up alright. I'm just impatient about most things in life, I guess. I'm also a little nervous about tonight, since we'll be hanging out, and I plan on giving her the necklace that was supposed to be an anniversary present, but arrived too late. I love her, dearly, but I just don't know what I can do with it anymore, or if I should do anything at all. Part of my brain's been yelling "Run away!" for the past few days, but I could never do that, it'd be like cutting off a limb. I just... *sigh*
Work is... meh. I like my co-workers, they're a wonderful bunch of people, and all very... interesting. I've been given more responsibilities, and most of the clients are starting to open up to me. J actually asked how I was doing this morning. On the other hand, the pay's much less than I need in order to get my own place and/or save up for graduate school.
This leaves me alone with my thoughts, which have been getting more and more complicated and convoluted as of late.
I feel like I need to get out of my folks' house soon, maybe even sooner than I can really afford to. I'm playing it cool right now, but I'm keeping my options open.
Things with Crys are... coming along, I think. We're still able to have the types of conversations my friend Anat calls D&M (Deep and Meaningful,) which is good. We just need to figure out how we feel about each other, and what we can do about it. I'm pretty sure I know how I feel, I think, most of the time, anyway. (Boy, could I be any more vague?) Mostly what I feel is conflicted, I guess. My heart says a whole bunch of things, and my head says a whole different bunch. I know that the thing we need most right now is time, and we'll end up alright. I'm just impatient about most things in life, I guess. I'm also a little nervous about tonight, since we'll be hanging out, and I plan on giving her the necklace that was supposed to be an anniversary present, but arrived too late. I love her, dearly, but I just don't know what I can do with it anymore, or if I should do anything at all. Part of my brain's been yelling "Run away!" for the past few days, but I could never do that, it'd be like cutting off a limb. I just... *sigh*
Work is... meh. I like my co-workers, they're a wonderful bunch of people, and all very... interesting. I've been given more responsibilities, and most of the clients are starting to open up to me. J actually asked how I was doing this morning. On the other hand, the pay's much less than I need in order to get my own place and/or save up for graduate school.
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(no subject)
Date: 2002-03-25 01:07 pm (UTC)On the one hand, I would be really sad if you ran away. I would miss you. But on the other hand, I could certainly understand you wanting more space. Take as much space and time as you need, Ari. I will be here when you're ready for it. I hope the same can be said of you, if I decided to take some space (which I have done, to some extent, for the past couple of weeks).
We're gonna be okay. It's a big adjustment, but we're gonna be okay.
*hugs*
Re:
Date: 2002-03-25 01:35 pm (UTC)I have no doubt that we're going to be "okay." Every large life decision eventually becomes regularized, and a part of a person's life.
It's the specific value of "okay" that's a concern. Will we be close friends a year from now? Will we become New Years'/Birthday-card sending friends four months from now? Will we start dating again in ten months? Neither you, nor I can answer that right now, only time will tell.
I know that limbo and uncertainty is all that I can expect right now, but I hate it when things are uncertain, it was one of the reasons that the end of our relationship was so difficult for me. I'm not saying this in any attempt to pressure you into a rushed decision. Please, please, take as much time as you think you need to figure things out, just as I'm doing. Right now, we need space, it's healthy and normal. I'm just gonna be griping for some of it, is all.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-03-26 06:54 am (UTC)Hon, for some greater or lesser value of the word, I believe things are always uncertain.
As the wicked stepmom says in _Ever After_: "Nothing is certain until you're dead. And even then, I'm sure G-d negotiates."
Re:
Date: 2002-03-26 09:11 am (UTC)I'll angst about this for a week or two, and then I'll be fine. I'll try not to get too much of it on you.
I'm prolly gonna write you an e-mail tonight, respond however you can.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-03-25 06:39 pm (UTC)On a suspiciously related note (and forgive me if this is really ignorant) are you able to have platonic female roommates?