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Wedding thoughts...
Subj: Wedding thoughts...
So, my friends Pinky and Aura got married on Sunday.
The wedding was really nice, albeit crowded. There were 500 guests, and roughly 200 more crashed for the ceremony and the first dance.
Random musings...
Only a really fancy Jewish wedding would have four different kinds of gefilte fish, really. A former employer of mine called it "Jewish Spam," I think he had a point.
I had sweetbreads for the first time, kinda by accident. I walked up to the smorgasboard-buffet thing, and asked for "a little of that chicken dish, please." The waiter replied (as he gave me some) "No no, that's sweetbreads..." It was interesting. Kinda like very squishy chicken. The mushroom sauce was nice, though,
All of the drama people, including Doctor Beukas, were seated at the same table, which made for some fun moments.
Aura's sister designed her own dress, whcih looked absolutely gorgeous, but gave her a very fairy-tale evil queen look. We joked that she was gonna put Aura to sleep for 100 years, and lock Pinky away in a forbidden castle. :-)
Okay, now onto some more serious stuff.
The ceremony had some interesting moments in it.
Because Pinky's dad is a Rabbi of some renown, there were several VIPs taking part in the ceremony.
During the ceremony, it's customary for the bride to walk around the groom seven times, this is done for various and sundry reasons (symbolic of the seven blessings recited at a wedding, walking can be used as a way of entering a halachic partnership, as well as other reasons that elude me right now.) Generally, it's just the bride who walks around the groom, unless her veil is very heavy, in which case someone walks around with her, so she doesn't trip. Apparently, Pinky and Aura's families have some chassidic customs, so they did things a little differently. Everyone who was under the chuppah (canopy under which the actual ceremony takes place) walked with Aura around Pinky. I think the custom was instituted for a few reasons. One, as a way of escorting the bride and groom to this "new phase" of their lives. Another as a way of showing kavod (honor) for the bride by following in her footsteps (This is done by some Jewish groups when a great Rabbi or scholar enters a room. It was nice, IMO, very positive in tone. I have a few friends who've had issues with that aspect of a Jewish wedding, and it was good to see how different people approach it.
Now, my one complaint.
There were mechitzot everywhere.
Okay, a small primer on the concept of mechitza.
During Jewish prayer services, such as those held during the day or Sabbath and holidays, seating is seperate sex. This is done for various reasons, some of which, IMO, make sense, some of which don't. It's done as a way to avoid distraction during prayers. (It's hard to focus on praying to God when you're distracted by a cute -insert member of the opposite sex here- Also (and this one is true, at least for me) it's easier for me to express myself spiritually in a same-sex environment. I'm less worried about who might be watching, and how I might look.
Synagogues will have seperate seating, split by a divider that's roughly six feet tall. I've seen dividers that range from mostly see-through, with the two setions of seats side by side
to having the women's section on a balcony, with a divider that had only a few windows that were kept covered except for during the Rabbi's sermon. (FYI, this is generally seen as overkill) I tend to prefer the former, just because you have to sit seperately, doesn't mean you have to practice such an extreme form of segregation
Anyhow, mechitzah, according to Orthodox Jewish Halacha (religious law) is required for prayer services only Other events taking place at a synagogue, even events like a bris (circumcision) or a baby naming, or a wedding don't require them.
At this wedding, there were mechitzot everywhere. Seperate seating, completely seperate dancing the entire time. Friends of mine who tried crossing over to one side or the other, were chased off, generally by someone much further to the right than the usual.
Now, I can understand why someone would want to have a mechitza up on the dance floor. Some people don't feel comfortable dancing where members of the opposite sex can watch. It falls under the heading of tzniut (modesty.) and it was thoughtful of of Aura and Pinky to want to accomodate their friends/family for whom this was a concern, and while I'll probably want to have some non-mixed dancing at my wedding (assuming I get married... :-) ) I wouldn't put up a mechitza, and I'd definitely want to have mixed dancing as well.
All in all, minor rant and halachic beef aside, I had a great time.
So, my friends Pinky and Aura got married on Sunday.
The wedding was really nice, albeit crowded. There were 500 guests, and roughly 200 more crashed for the ceremony and the first dance.
Random musings...
Only a really fancy Jewish wedding would have four different kinds of gefilte fish, really. A former employer of mine called it "Jewish Spam," I think he had a point.
I had sweetbreads for the first time, kinda by accident. I walked up to the smorgasboard-buffet thing, and asked for "a little of that chicken dish, please." The waiter replied (as he gave me some) "No no, that's sweetbreads..." It was interesting. Kinda like very squishy chicken. The mushroom sauce was nice, though,
All of the drama people, including Doctor Beukas, were seated at the same table, which made for some fun moments.
Aura's sister designed her own dress, whcih looked absolutely gorgeous, but gave her a very fairy-tale evil queen look. We joked that she was gonna put Aura to sleep for 100 years, and lock Pinky away in a forbidden castle. :-)
Okay, now onto some more serious stuff.
The ceremony had some interesting moments in it.
Because Pinky's dad is a Rabbi of some renown, there were several VIPs taking part in the ceremony.
During the ceremony, it's customary for the bride to walk around the groom seven times, this is done for various and sundry reasons (symbolic of the seven blessings recited at a wedding, walking can be used as a way of entering a halachic partnership, as well as other reasons that elude me right now.) Generally, it's just the bride who walks around the groom, unless her veil is very heavy, in which case someone walks around with her, so she doesn't trip. Apparently, Pinky and Aura's families have some chassidic customs, so they did things a little differently. Everyone who was under the chuppah (canopy under which the actual ceremony takes place) walked with Aura around Pinky. I think the custom was instituted for a few reasons. One, as a way of escorting the bride and groom to this "new phase" of their lives. Another as a way of showing kavod (honor) for the bride by following in her footsteps (This is done by some Jewish groups when a great Rabbi or scholar enters a room. It was nice, IMO, very positive in tone. I have a few friends who've had issues with that aspect of a Jewish wedding, and it was good to see how different people approach it.
Now, my one complaint.
There were mechitzot everywhere.
Okay, a small primer on the concept of mechitza.
During Jewish prayer services, such as those held during the day or Sabbath and holidays, seating is seperate sex. This is done for various reasons, some of which, IMO, make sense, some of which don't. It's done as a way to avoid distraction during prayers. (It's hard to focus on praying to God when you're distracted by a cute -insert member of the opposite sex here- Also (and this one is true, at least for me) it's easier for me to express myself spiritually in a same-sex environment. I'm less worried about who might be watching, and how I might look.
Synagogues will have seperate seating, split by a divider that's roughly six feet tall. I've seen dividers that range from mostly see-through, with the two setions of seats side by side
to having the women's section on a balcony, with a divider that had only a few windows that were kept covered except for during the Rabbi's sermon. (FYI, this is generally seen as overkill) I tend to prefer the former, just because you have to sit seperately, doesn't mean you have to practice such an extreme form of segregation
Anyhow, mechitzah, according to Orthodox Jewish Halacha (religious law) is required for prayer services only Other events taking place at a synagogue, even events like a bris (circumcision) or a baby naming, or a wedding don't require them.
At this wedding, there were mechitzot everywhere. Seperate seating, completely seperate dancing the entire time. Friends of mine who tried crossing over to one side or the other, were chased off, generally by someone much further to the right than the usual.
Now, I can understand why someone would want to have a mechitza up on the dance floor. Some people don't feel comfortable dancing where members of the opposite sex can watch. It falls under the heading of tzniut (modesty.) and it was thoughtful of of Aura and Pinky to want to accomodate their friends/family for whom this was a concern, and while I'll probably want to have some non-mixed dancing at my wedding (assuming I get married... :-) ) I wouldn't put up a mechitza, and I'd definitely want to have mixed dancing as well.
All in all, minor rant and halachic beef aside, I had a great time.
stuff & nitpicks
I think you skipped a line or deleted some words or something in there.
women's section on a balcony, with a divider that had only a few windows that were kept covered except for during the Rabbi's sermon. (FYI, this is generally seen as overkill) I tend to prefer the latter Friends of mine who tried crossing over to one side or the other, generally by someone much further to the right than the usual.
Again, I think you're missing a phrase in here or something. I think what you might have been trying to say was that your friends tried to cross the line and were stopped by someone, but that's all I got.
Ari, you only skip words when you're tired or really emotional about the topic at hand. That's my impression, anyway. What else is going on, here? And am I wrong about these nitpicks?
Re: stuff & nitpicks
Yeah, I do prefer the more side-by-side style mechitza, not the "exile half of the population to the rafters" type, I must've gotten things back-to-front. :-)
I am a little tired, true.
I don't think I'm overly emotional about the topic of mechitza, per se, but I'm very up-front about my opinions of it. It's taken me a lot of thought and soul-searching for me to figure out how I feel about mechitzot, and how I feel about gender roles in Judaism in general, and Orthodoxy in particular.
I think part of my reaction stems from having to defend my position throughout high school, my year in Israel and college, since some of how I feel is a minority opinion.
But yeah, this was mostly because I'm tired, and LJ wasn't playing nice tonight.
The last time I spoke to you about mechitza and such was a while ago, and wasn't really an in depth convo, how do you feel about it?