(no subject)

[arib]

What Jews Don't Do:
They don't:
Dress up in white sheets and burn crosses on people's lawns.
Listen to Rush Limbaugh.
Ride horses and shoot guns at the same time.
Sail around the world single-handedly.
Use leaf blowers.
Let cleaning ladies go without lunch, even if it's only chunk tuna.
Become Olympic figure skaters.
Christen ships.
Leave any floral arrangements on the tables at the end of a wedding.
Give money to Pat Robertson.
Name their children Clint, Rod or Paddy.
Eat grits, greens and ham hocks.
Chew tobacco.
Make quilts.
Shop at Piggly Wiggly.
Get a "farmer's tan."
Become Scientologists.
Become sushi chefs.
Think they're too thin or their hips are too narrow.
Rule out plastic surgery.
Wear short acrylic nails.
Fake orgasm unless absolutely necessary.
Fight bulls.
Cut cane.
Play the tuba in an oompah band.
Become lumberjacks or lobster fishermen.
Sell roses by the side of the freeway.
Dive for pearls.
Get drunk and sing "Danny Boy" at funerals.
Root for Vanessa Redgrave at the Oscars.
Join the bomb squad.
Get into shark cages.
Work as rodeo clowns.
Serve plum pudding.
Refuse to go for Chinese food.
Play mah-jong with Asians.
Wear crucifixes except as a fashion statement.
Call their parents as often as their parents think they should.
Call jeans "dungarees" or soft drinks "pop."
Let the gray show.
Wear loafers without socks.
Say "some of my best friends are . . . "
Marry into the British royal family.
Ride to hounds.
Lose their sense of humor when people make jokes about them.